I don't really know how to describe this feeling he gives me. His name is Tony and for the past two years we've had some good times and some bad times. I think he's perfect in every way... other than the fact that he will never ever let us be together. He's the best friend i've ever had. We've been through everything together... yes we've even lost our virginity's to each other. However we have never actually been in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Whether its because he's got a girlfriend or i've got a boyfriend... it just never happened. It is something i've always wanted to happen too, but here i sit again waiting and hoping. Its starting to seem pointless.

We met for the first time ever about two and a half years ago. We exchanged phone numbers and texted each other pretty much all day, every day. We shared our hopes and dreams and goals. We talked about everything under the sun and then some. Everything was going perfect until he started dating this one girl named amanda. He started dating her because he said that i never asked him out and he was "afraid" to ask me out. Amanda and him only dated for about two months and by the time there relationship had ended, i was in a relationship with Taylor. Throughout both of those relationships we still texted all the time though.

Next thing i know about three months later me and Taylor were over, and yet again... Tony was in a new relationship with a girl named Ashley. Ashley seemed to be the best thing that had ever happened to him. They only lasted about five months, and she had broken his heart. Of course, i was there to pick up the pieces. But he was still madly in love with Ashley. He didn't get over her until about 7 months later. That was about two months ago.

He is now dating this girl he met online through a friend, which is ridiculous because he has never met her. Given the fact that she is all the way in Europe until May 29th, but still. I've been here for him all along. Me and him had engaged in sexual activities for the first time ever two weeks before he started dating this new girl. Her name is Kristy. She has to be my least favorite of all the girls he's dated. She has never met him and she is already controlling and changing him in every way. But he insists that she's amazing and says he wont break up with her until he at least meets her in person. She already tried telling him he is not allowed to talk to me anymore. That got overruled thank god.

Last night he came over and we were watching a movie. Everything was going great were just sitting there on opposite sides of the bed, until he decided to tell me i should come lay down next to him. I caved in. (I'm aware that you all probably think this whole situation is ridiculous but I really need your advice) Anyways, We ended up having sex. Yes, he cheated on Kristy with me. I feel terrible but he refuses tell her. He said and i quote, "I will tell her, but not today, and not tomorrow, but i promise i will tell her." I don't see why he doesn't just tell her and get it over with.

For two years i've been waiting for him to realize that i'm the one whose been here all along and that i'm the one who understands him best. No girl will ever see what i see in him in just a single glance. The only problem is this all seems like a lost cause, a waste of time. Im running out of ways to win his heart. Should I just give up on the only thing i've wanted for the past two years?